The Luxury of Being a Mid-Life Stay-at-Home-Mom!

I recently was on a conference call with two women whom I met up with through a social network that will remain unnamed, but I will let you know this…it is a knowledge center for those of us who presume to be Boomers of Authority.

The details behind why we were on this call together is of no importance…all that I will say is that I learned that Stay-At-Home Moms are STILL looked down upon by some women who do NOT stay at home or have no children.

Staying at home was a luxury…not a necessity…I was told! That these two other women had to work!

A husband’s ability to support the family on his one salary allowed the fortunate wife/mother to not seek out paid employment…but to pursue very expensive hobbies and causes.

I was told that I had this luxury!!!

Excuse me! I fear that you presume too much!!

Now, before I go any further…I must explain one thing…this comment was made to me after I responded to the overall topic of the conference call. The two women had come together in resonance over the fact that they were at a point in their life that they no longer wanted greatness or fame for themselves…climb the ladder of success, but rather help people and seek the betterment of man or woman…as long as they were helping mankind…they would be satisfied, fulfilled and complete. In their Mid-life journey they had come to crossroads and believed that it was time for change.

I listened.

When my opportunity to speak came I told them that everything that I was doing on the Internet was for FREE. Getting paid had not been my primary goal…in fact, I was very happy that recently I had been making small amounts of money. In any case, I had been “called” to do what I have been doing at my forum, my blogs and at social networks. I was writing because I love to write. I was promoting others work because I was “called” to lift gifted and talented people up on the lamp stand to allow them to shine! I was not necessarily a coach…I was a Shepherdess…a guide. My journey had only recently brought me to place where I felt worthy to ask for payment for what I offered.

If I got paid…I felt blessed…in fact, an e-mail of gratitude was worth more to me than any dollar payment. The little that I have been making was a blessing too...but the goal was to help others from the beginning…fame and greatness…climbing a ladder of success was not my primary goal.

The silence was deafening.

I thought I had lost the connection, until one of the women said:

“Well, isn’t that nice that your husband makes enough money for you to have the luxury to do that…but I have had to work to make ends meet, as I believe (name left out on purpose) has had to do also……”

The woman continued but I didn’t hear one more word she said as I was in absolute shock…rewind to the beginning of this rant.

In my mind I thought:

LUXURY! Excuse me! I fear that you presume too much!!

You don’t know me or my family’s history or the state of our bank account or circumstances.

You don’t know what I gave up over 19 years ago to support my husband and his military career, what I endured through deployments, what I do NOW to support his second career, what I have done to keep my hand in the business that I love, what I do on a daily basis to make sure that my five children have a safe, secure environment to come home to…I am my children’s 24/7/365 day advocate…AND…NO, we don’t have luxury… Do you know how much it would cost to put five kids in Day care?!!! Or now with teenagers, what kind of trouble they can get into when Mom and Dad are at work (Let me tell you about the family who just got their son out drug rehab or the daughter that just popped pregnant because she and her boyfriend were hanging out at the house alone while Mommy was at work)

We are fortunate and blessed that God provides our daily bread…we struggle making ends meet…there is no excess living in my home. My husband and I work hard…very, very hard, while also following the “call” that was given me five years ago. So…no my dear uninformed friend…YOU assume too much about Stay-at-Home Moms and me!

Suddenly, I was pulled out of my angry thoughts, the connection was silent again…the air still uncomfortable…I quickly made a polite excuse to get off the line and hung up…I was so angry I could spit! I hate confrontation and what would it get me by confronting this woman’s attitude.

I was no longer “resonating” with these women…it was a sign!

This conversation has hung in my mind for weeks now, waking me in the middle of the night that finally I felt that it needed to be written about. So, to all the women out there that work and do not stay home…to those who work hard for the money…I am not ranting at you. You GO, girl!

I’m ranting at those women working or not who have the attitude that we Stay-at-Home Mom’s stay at home because our husband earns enough so that we can…that it is a luxury.

I am working very hard at what I do…but money is not the primary goal…helping people is the goal. We sure could use some extra, I would be lying if I didn’t say this…but luxury is not a word I would use for being a Stay-at-Home Mom…luxury to me would be a paycheck and being able to go and have my gifts and talents appreciated on a daily basis. Instead…I follow the call…knowing that God will provide or the Universe is resonating with what I am doing…however you want to view it.

This is a CyberHotFlash…it’s a rant…it is over until the next one…so be aware!

I'm running 500 miles in chains to stop child trafficking now!

Please watch this moving video from my friend, Eric Profitt. If you are so moved, please go to his web site and join the cause and support his quest to stop Child trafficking. Thanks you

Guest Blogger: Lauren Dance - Heading South

Heading South

by Lauren Dance (Founder of the The Grey Beaver Club)

 

I love to travel. It has become a very expensive addiction, really. My husband and I look forward with great anticipation to every opportunity we get to head south to those indescribable blue waters where the scuba boat awaits. The salty wind, the coral reefs, and the beautiful peace that comes from being somewhere completely different from normal is probably the reason for the addiction. Recently, I was telling a friend that we were thinking of heading south to Cozumel soon for a vacation, and she sighed heavily and asked if she could come along in my suitcase.  

It got me to thinking about the phrase “heading south”, and the positive and negative connotations associated therein. 

Birds fly south for winter, and so do many people. Heading south for a vacation almost always means someplace warmer and much more exotic, an escape from ordinary life.  

Stock that has a sudden decrease in value is said to have headed south. So, what does that mean when parts of my body are spiraling downward at a rate I have no control over? Does that mean that I have decreased in value as well? Hmmmmm….. 

As women, we are bombarded through the media that perky and perfect are the norm, and if our once “perky parts” are now resting on the top of our bellies, there must be something wrong. I will resist this way of thinking. Just as I have always considered the stretch marks from my children badges of honor, I will support all my sagging with positive remarks in front of the mirror and a really great bra. 

If you’ve ever seen an older woman with really great breasts (that are REAL), albeit they are probably a bit lower on her chest than they were in her twenties, there is something very voluptuous and sexy about the way her body looks. And by the way, I don’t think there is anything wrong with telling a woman that she looks great. In fact, I think as womankind, it is our duty to make each other feel beautiful, because the media certainly isn’t going to pat us on the back and say, “Way to breastfeed three children! Wow! Those boobs rolled up into your bra look FABULOUS now!” 

If we all began to look at our bodies heading south the same way we looked at a vacation to Cozumel, I’m sure we as a collective group of women could probably figure out how to reverse the law of gravity, that’s how much extra time our brains would have to concentrate on other matters!  

Let us each find that beautiful peace that comes from being somewhere totally different than we have ever been, and be happy and content with whatever direction we are headed. 

“I look forward to being older, when what you look like becomes less and less an issue and what you are is the point.”--Susan Sarandon 
 



Lauren Dance is the owner of The Gray Beaver Club, 

an online retail store that sells fabulous gifts for 

friends over forty. She is very passionate about 

finding humor in the aging process, and feels strongly 

that surrounding yourself with great friends is the best 

way to happily navigate yourself through this crazy 

journey we call life!

Visit www.thegraybeaverclub.com to purchase gifts that are actually funny!  

Welcome to The Gray Beaver Club….one year closer to dyeing… 

Guest Blogger: Stranger and Stranger

Stranger and Stranger—

By: Carrie E. Pierce and Menopauserus.com

It’s becoming increasingly apparent to me: I’m a stranger in a very strange land.

Passport for my journey: two Aesthetics licenses, certification in Color Analysis-- and 25
years in the film/ TV, fashion and beauty industries.
-And what a trip it’s been too!

From the salons and spas of Texas to Hollywood film and TV studios, from the offices of
Beverly Hills plastic surgeons to my travels educating internationally for natural skin care and cosmetics companies-- I’ve just about seen it all in this crazy business.

I’ve eviscerated women (much to my chagrin- but only on film, thank heavens!), severed
heads, slashed faces and created award-winning vomit… and then have turned around
and worked on real, severely burned and maimed bodies in an attempt to provide
reconstructive makeup procedures for very special folks in need.

I’ve experienced the dark and the light- the good and the bad- the ugly and the surreal and I feel qualified to make the following statement.
Simply put, in my humble opinion:

‘There’s very little that is beautiful about the beauty industry…’

I’m deeply entrenched in the beauty ‘business’ and at times, have really had to struggle to find much beautiful, real -or redeeming about it.
It’s been rather a love/hate relationship for me, and I’ve watched as scads of other women have also done battle with it- and the rather devastating effects it can have on self worth and self esteem.

Now don’t get me wrong. There’s very little that compares to the excitement, tension and stress of being on a film set- just as nothing compares with the joy of teaching a woman how to bring out her very best; and how to lovingly and effectively care for herself.
Why, it can be downright thrilling!

--It can also be heart-wrenching and bittersweet.

Mine is the industry that teaches a woman to believe that her skin is just a shell, and that the chemicals applied to it don’t matter.

Mine is the industry that teaches a woman that she can abuse herself through poor diet
and bad lifestyle choices, yet find her ‘cure’ in a $150.00 jar of face cream.

Mine is the industry that tells you an acid peel will make you ‘young’ again- or that you
aren't beautiful unless you can successfully mimic the ridiculous images spewed by
fashion magazines...

Mine is the industry peddling breast implants and Botox, liposuction and eating disorders- all in the name of ‘Beauty’.

Heaven help us if we don’t fit the ‘ideal’.

--Worse yet, Heaven help us if we DO:
Leaking breast implants, anorexia, bulimia, rising skin cancer rates, plummeting self esteem.

Enough is enough already! How much longer will we feed this craziness?

It is time for real, hardcore, honest education and, as consumers, it’s way past time to
replace our inner panic and insecurity with self-awareness and self-respect.

It's time we realized that Aging will happen- but only if we’re lucky.

The simple truth is: Aging is not a disease- or a deformity to be hidden at any and all
costs.

Beauty is present- on every level and at every stage of Life- PERIOD.

We must look for it, seek it out- and acknowledge it-- when and where we find it.
The roots of grooming and makeup are tightly tangled with those of psychology and self
acceptance.

It’s no coincidence that women- and men, who neglect self-care are usually the first to
develop illness.
As a society, we've been taught to crave the quick fix: liposuction instead of exercise and detoxification; Dermabrasion instead of smoking cessation; Vitamins in our shampoos- not in our diets.

The only way to lasting, genuine Beauty, is to work from the inside out.

--Surely this isn’t news!
We must surely know this in our innermost hearts and minds!
Why is it such a forgotten Truth?
We need to quit looking to the glossy pages of fashion magazines for our answers.
They’re simply not there!

We need instead, to look inside; inside our refrigerators, our medicine cabinets, our
cosmetic bags - ourselves.
We need to quit changing our hair color every month- and delve into what it is we really
want to change about ourselves.
Quit starving ourselves- and begin nourishing our bodies, minds and spirits instead, with
good food, vitamins/minerals… a healthy serving of self-acceptance…

--After all, true beauty is comfort in one’s own skin- and skin that is comfortable!
This has been the journey that I’ve had to take, both as an industry professional and also as a woman in today's world.
It’s been a tough and scary journey- yet a deeply rewarding one as well…
much like a lone hike into the wilderness.

As I see it: It’s way past time to stand up and say “Enough is enough!!!”
It’s time to be at peace with ourselves.

Carrie has worked exclusively in the skin care, health and beauty industry for over 25 years.
She’s a licensed Aesthetician, is certified in Color Analysis and has built a solid, international reputation in the field of holistic, menopausal skin care; specializing in harmful cosmetic ingredients and industry practices.
She’s a recognized speaker and published writer- having written numerous articles in women’s health and beauty publications and she is Founder and President of Menopauserus.com- The ultimate natural help and support site for women in need of peri menopause and menopause relief.
It’s her mission to help make menopause ‘The Change for the Better’- for women everywhere!

CyberHotFlash: After the Blog Talk Radio Show - Internet Addiction and Dangers

Wake- up America!

Denial seems to be the number one past time of Americans today...especially the women of the United States! Not only do many women deny that they are in Mid-life Crisis…they deny that they could ever become addicted to the Internet, WHICH they use as a tool in the Crisis itself! Let’s not forget the complete denial about being victimized by a predator…OH! NO! Heaven Forbid!

Last week I posted an article on several women’s social networking sites on Internet Addiction and Mid-life Women which was met with such surprise and amazement that I would even suggest that women could or would allow themselves to become addicted to the internet. The shock was followed by complete denial of the problem existing to the degree that I had stated through research, which I received from Michael Shelby, one of the top experts and authorities on Internet/Virtual addiction in our country. These women could accept the fact that women could over-do their activity at women's social networks or Facebook...but the fact that I was suggesting that there is a secret community created just for married women who wanted to cheat was completely beyond these women’s comprehension! Many women couldn’t fathom the idea that there are predators on Facebook, My Space, Twitter, AIM or SKYPE!

When H Les Brown, Michael Shelby and I first started to discuss the topic of MidLife Matters radio show interview, we had no idea that the Craig’s List Killer would be caught and prove to be the most innocent looking of men OR that CNN/Parent’s Magazine would be publishing an article about how mother’s on the internet were neglecting their children due to their Internet activity. The reason behind my wanting to discuss this topic was because in the past six months, five of the husbands who had joined my internet forum on Women in MLC (Mid Life Crisis) were directly attributing the breakdown of their marriages to Internet activity or on-line affairs….which had then moved into actual physical affairs or addictive behaviors that led to their wives losing their high level jobs.

Less than a year ago at my forum, we were not necessarily concerned about a woman’s internet activity other than IF she had a profile at one or more of the many singles dating sites or at one of the High School reunion sites. Many women in MLC will create a profile at these sites to test the waters to see if anyone thinks that they are still attractive, personable, sexy or not. Early on these women are looking for an innocent “self-esteem massage” or a re-connect with an old boyfriend. Why? Most women in MLC are lacking in their ability to think clearly, wanting to escape the lives that they think is dragging them down…wanting a fantasy…their boundaries are blurred or non-existent…they are caught up in their roles as wives, mothers and caretakers…they have lost the woman of long ago before these roles sucked the life out of them. Women in MLC are on a quest…a mission of sorts to find who they are in the grand scheme of life…they dip in to the past…they reach out to a stranger…they convince themselves that it is safe and innocent. They are in their own homes…it is just on the computer…it is harmless!

Some women are not necessarily looking for the connection…it just happens! All it takes is a few men liking, winking at or tagging their profile picture or befriending them with a “looking for attention” phishing e-mail or wall post…or even the innocent Facebook/AIM/Google/SKYPE Pop-up Chat window saying “Hey, How are you?”. Before these women know it, they are telling a male stranger their whole life story and the guy is giving them the “self-esteem massage” that a woman didn’t even know they were really looking for…eventually becoming sexual and even asking for a meet-up.

Danger! Danger! Will Robinson!

The Craig’s List Killer should prove to every woman, whether addicted or not, they should be very careful about who they befriend, chat or e-mail. Please don’t come back with “I am not advertising erotic massage with like the girl that was killed.”…YOU are advertising something…You are advertising that you are needy and you have your guard down…you are willing to take a risk on someone or something that you know nothing about. The rules we set for our children about talking with strangers over the internet go for the women of the world also.

What makes a woman think that there isn’t a predator out there looking for them also?

What makes a woman think that that gorgeous guy with the six-pack abs and tan is real and out chatting up all the ladies on the web and if he is…what makes them think that the guy isn’t a player, user, and a gigolo?

Remember, “Looking for Mr. Goodbar”?

Well, Mr. Goodbar has moved to the web and he isn’t Richard Gere!

He’s a dumpy 37 year old guy, who lives in his mother’s basement playing video/internet games all day because he lost his job at WalMart six months ago…or even a married man with four kids, a wife, house, job and car who’s out for the same escape that you are….OR…he could be someone like the Craig’s List Killer, but he is not looking for a massage or money!

Now, at this point I would like to bring up a comment by one woman after my first article on this topic…the woman said I was generalizing on the topic…and maybe in that article I was…because I was introducing the topic and how I dealt with it at my forum. I was testing the waters and using the article as a promotion for the BTR interview that was coming up. The article was primarily written for the men of women in MLC, yet reworked so women could benefit from the information. I felt it was a topic that women should contemplate, consider…be aware of and know that they are not immune to the dangers of the Internet or the fact that they too could become addicted. I still feel strongly about the subject and I hope continue to write and research on it.

All I ask is… Please don’t deny the existence of Internet Addiction and dangers…that the women who are on the internet take note of the warning here…it could save you a lot of struggle, pain, hurt …it may save your marriage, your family and children…it may even save your life!


";

Internet Addiction and Mid-life Women

In my experience as a writer, researcher and coach for Women in Mid-life Crisis and Depression the number one escape used to be your typical offenders...alcohol, drugs, shopping and more than likely the "affair"...all are addictions or the drug of choice. BUT...the newest drug of choice which is used to feed the other drug..."The Affair"...is now the Internet. Women have given themselves permission to use the Internet as a tool to have what they believe as innocent dalliances with men. It has grown to the point that some married women are even creating pornographic web cam sites that they live out their sexual fantasies from a distance...they excuse it as not being an affair because it is "physical"...they aren't harming anyone...they don't even know these men who watch them. They convince themselves that it is innocent!

Tell this to the husband's at the Women in MLC forum, who have recently joined telling us that their wife was rolling on the floor in a 2-year tirade because he had turned off the Internet access...or the man who's wife was recently asked to resign from an administrative level job because she was caught after hours holding a pornographic peep show on the company owned computer in her office.



This IS Internet addiction...just like Internet pornography addiction for a man...women are not looking at the pornography...they are participating in it!

It is the same thing but now women are finding their own way of doing it and it is coming out through Internet dating and singles sites. I have never checked out Second Life...but many women who are caught in an MLC find their way to Match, eHarmony or Ashley Madison and other web sites that are popping up on the Internet specifically geared for women who are married and want to have an affair. Even SKYPE is filled with women married and single who are sharing their wares or sexual fantasies with men around the world and there is a ton of men out there that are looking for exactly this type of supposed "innocent" dalliance.

The key to all of this is the perception that Internet sexual activity is "innocent"...it means nothing. This is why is it is so important to understand that the emotional affair is just as harmful as the physical affair. An emotional affair is just as destructive...it eats away at the fabric of what is right and good in a marriage. This is why even in the Bible it says that to even lust in one's mind is a form of adultery. If a person will emotionally commit adultery the chances that they will give themselves permission to commit physical adultery grows larger...they become numb to the consequence of their actions.

Internet activity needs to have its' perimeters. A woman MUST be very careful about who she is associating and talking with...there are Internet predators on-line that are looking for desperate, lonely women, who have low self-esteems...ready and willing and able to RISK everything and anything for just the thrill of a few moments of internet sexual thrills.

Internet addiction with women can start as simply as creating a Facebook or My Space profile...even going to some of the women's based social networks or magazines that are popping up on-line all the time that allow men to also join. A woman MUST be diligent in who she befriends on the internet. There are also many applications that can be added to their profiles which non-verbally opens her up to be hit on by men who really don't care that her profile says that she is married or not. Many women who are married, but looking to get a self-esteem massage, will not indicate their relationship status or they just say they want to make friends and network.

Checking your wife's internet activity is one of the FIRST a things a husband should do. Be thorough with your checking...not just the history of her activity...go to her profiles and see who she is befriending...go to the friend's profile and see what type of a person they are and who they are also talking with on a day to day basis. If the friend’s list is filled with good-looking women…this man is creating a stable…it is the first tip off that his Facebook or Social Network is NOT for business…it is for his viewing and hitting on pleasure.

The following is a list of internet sites that you should be looking for:

Facebook 

My Space

SKYPE

Match

eHarmony

Ashley Maddison

Yearbook

Classmates

Chemistry

SugarDaddie

MarriedDateLink

AffairsClub

AffairsMatch

LonelyWivesAffair

meet2cheat

BeNaughty

MarriedSecrets

MarriedCafe

FindNewPassion

Desperate-Wives

Tagged


There could be more...but this is the list I pulled from one search off of Google. Please know that any Social Network is a venue for your wife to search for an on-line affair. You just never know who is lurking there.

 
Please join us at Women in MLC  a Forum for women who are struggling with transitioning through mid-life and found themselves in crisis are more than welcome, aalong with the husband's who are have found themselves cauught up in the storm of their wive's MLC...Please join us today!

Additional Information on this topic:

Since publishing this article, I have had several people make me aware of another web site that is very addictive with sexual overtones that can be used by women who want to play with the idea of an Emotional Affair over the internet. The web site is called SecondLife, a 3-D Virtual World. I will admit that I only went to the main page and did not download the game to look at it personally....but I have it by good authority from a husband whose wife became addicted to this site and met several men, who she then had emotional afairs with. Please add this to the above list.

I am not proposing that only women fall prey to Internet Addiction..in fact until recently the statistics for women becoming addicted to internet activity was extremely low. It has only been in the past three years that Experts, such Michael Shelby(www.shallbe.com) and Dr. David Greenfield (www.virtual-addiction.com) have found that women are increasingly becoming addicted to the internet...to almost the same levels as men.

In fact, Internet Addiction does not discriminate. the afore mentioned experts are seeing all ages, gender, race, class, religion...you name it coming through their doors asking for help to loosen the grip or tackle this addiction. It is even being looked at by the AMA as a classified addiction that needs to be treated and can be detrimental to the health and well-being of the person who is addicted.(i.e. which will mean helath insurance companies will recognize it as an official addiction and cover rehabilitation and treatment)

So, this topic is not light one. Internet Addictions can not be blown off anymore to just a man looking at porn on his computer. Internet addiction is breaking up marriages, families and homes. It is not just a man's problem anymore...the women have found a way to use the internet in such a way that it is addictive and feeding a need that they are lacking in...it is not harmless or innocent in any way shape or form.

Many women are in denial not only about their MLC...but also about their vulnerabilty to internet addiction...these very same women have lectured their children about the fantasyland time on the internet and cautioned them against internet predators, all the while not realizing that they are suusceptible to the very same dangers.

So, what can we do about it? Be aware! Don't be in denial about it! Know that internet addiction doesn't discriminate. My main point is: Women in Mid-Life Crisis are even more susceptible to Internet addiction because it is fantasy; it can be anonymous; it feeds a need or fills a hole that is lacking; it provides what they believe is innocent, permissable thrills and adventure..ESCAPE from there real world....and on top of it all there are predators out there that are so willing and able to accommodate it!

If you are interested in this topic, please tune in Thursday night, April 23rd at 8:00 PM EST to H Les Brown's Blog Talk Radio Show - Midlife Mastery, where Les, Michael Shelby and I will discuss Virtual/Internet Addiction and Women at Mid-life.
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FREE Cyber- HUGS!!!

In our troubled economy with people losing their jobs, savings, homes...the lives that they have known...what could be better then receiving a a FREE HUG!

Everyone needs encouragement...love...touch...an embrace! We, as human beings will not survive, grow and flourish. In an effort to promote the selfless work of Juan Mann...Give FREE Hugs to as many people as you can today, tomorrow ...every day...especially to those you may not even know. You just might give a hug to a person who has been starving, thirsty for the embrace of human kind.

Maybe the answer to all of our troubles comes in a mere HUG...a gentle word of encouragement...letting people know that we care in the split second of an embrace two spirits come together and feel the power of the universe...we feel a higher power..God...at work.

There is HOPE in a FREE Hug!

Consider yourself Cyber -Hugged by me! BE well, my friends...Be welll!